1 - Effortless Conversation System eBook.pdf

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Table of Contents Introduction .............................................................................................................................. Introduction .............................................................................................................................. 3 5 Major Problems When Talking to Women ............................................................................. Women ............................................................................. 3 Problem #1 – #1 – Starting Starting the Conversation ......................... ......................... ......................... . 3 Problem #2 – #2 – Running Running Out of Things to Say ........................ ......................... ...................... 4 Problem #3 – #3 – Weirding Weirding Girls Out ........................... ......................... .......................... ......... 4 Problem #4 – #4 – Chasing Chasing Way Too Hard................................................................................. 5 Problem #5 – #5 – Can’t Spark Natural Na tural Chemistry.......................... Chemistry.......................... .......................... ................. 5 STEP #1 - Comfort Before Attraction ......................................................................................... Attraction ......................................................................................... 6 What is Social Comfort? Comfort? ....................... ......................... .......................... ......................... . 7 Like a Vacuum and a Flame… ............................................................................................ Flame… ............................................................................................ 8 Comfort Building Social Skills .................................................................................................. Skills .................................................................................................. 10 The Law of Reciprocity ......................... ......................... .......................... ........................ 11 Talk About Yourself First: ................................................................................................ 11 Asking the Right Questions ............................................................................................. 12 Turn Questions into Statements........................ ......................... ......................... ............ 12 Making Observations ...................................................................................................... 13 Phrasal Transitions....................... ......................... ......................... ......................... ........ 13 Tell Her About You ....................... ......................... ......................... ......................... ........ 14 Using Regional References References ........................ ......................... ........................ ..................... 14 Using Current Events....................................................................................................... 14 Setting Setting a Comfortable Comfortable Pace ........................... ......................... ......................... ................ 14 Use Interactivity and Check Ins ....................................................................................... 14 Grounding Your Personality ............................................................................................ 15 Share Your Interests......................... ......................... ......................... ......................... .... 15 Relating To Common Things.......................... ......................... ......................... ................ 16 Using Names ................................................................................................................... 16 Be Enthusiastic................................................................................................................ 16 Be Positive ...................................................................................................................... 16 Show Genuine Interest.................................................................................................... 16 Self Commentary ............................................................................................................ 16 Using Hooks .................................................................................................................... 17 Opening Loops ................................................................................................................ 17 Role Playing .................................................................................................................... 17 Group Dynamics ............................................................................................................. 17 Staying Relaxed....................... .......................... ......................... ........................ ............. 17 Put Yourself Out There......................... ......................... .......................... ........................ 18 STEP #2 - Flipping the Switch .................................................................................................. Switch .................................................................................................. 18 Breaking Social Comfort....................... ......................... .......................... ........................ 19 Step #3 - Creating Instant Chemistry.......................... Chemistry.......................... ........................ ......................... ............ 21 5 Magic Likeness-Creating Likeness-Creating Subjects: Subjects: ........................... ......................... ......................... ... 22 Conclusion Conclusion .............................................................................................................................. 23

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©2013 Sinns of Attraction. All rights reserved.

Introduction Welcome to the E ffortles s Convers ation S ys tem. I’m Jon Sinn. In this special report I’m going to introduce you to my Effortless Conversation System; a system that’s helped thousands of guys just like you to meet, attract and seduce beautiful women. In just a few minutes I’ll be walking you through every step of my complete 3 step system, so you can make sure you NEVER have awkward conversations or end up in the dreaded “friend zone” ever again. But before I do, I want to talk to you about the 5 major problems men have talking to women.

5 Major Problems When Talking to Women I’ve been teaching men to meet, approach, attract and seduce women for almost 10 years and in that time I’ve worked with literally thousands of guys both in the field in boot camps where I took guys into bars and clubs and demonstrated how to approach and how to move things forward and also correct t he things they were doing through phone coaching with private students who paid a lot of money over the years to get my perspective on their dating problems and through my products. What I’ve noticed is there are five basic things that every guy has encountered at one point or another. We’re going to go through them now.

Problem #1 – Starting the Conversation Most guys have a hard time getting the conversation started . They can’t seem to figure out what to say to break that seemi ngly immeasurable distance between two people in a bar. There’s good news and bad news when it comes to starting conversations. The good news is what you say to start the conversation doesn’t matter that much. The bad news is that what you say to start the conversation doesn’t matter that much. A lot of guys live under the premise of what I like to call the Disney Myth. They believe if only they were able to cross that divide and move their feet and mouth enough to start a conversation with a woman that instantly that woman would be super into them and everything would go okay. The reason they think that is because in every Disney movie or every movie in the world the guy, the main character, all he has to do is get up the courage to tell the girl he’s into her and then she’s into him and they ride off into the sunset.

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Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that in the real world. You can say the perfect thing at the perfect time with the perfect tonality to a girl and have her not be into it. And you can say the wrong thing with the wrong tonality and the wrong everything and have a girl be into it. So don’t worry about starting a conversation too much. I have a program called The Ultimate Guide to Approaching if you need an opener or have approach anxiety and really worry about what you’re going to do and say, you should check that course out. There are a ton of examples and all the most effective testing and also my 4 Step Guide to Approach Anxiety which is very beatable and something I taught a lot of guys to get over in a short amount of time. So that’s starting a conversation. You just have to pick an opener and do it and deal with your approach anxiety, relax and all the things we’re not covering here today. What we’re covering today is more about

Problem #2 – Running Out of Things to Say Running out of things to say and not being able to get the woman’s interest is a common problem for most guys. It’s like you can get it to go great when you start the conversation and then eventually peter off. Every guy has had that situation where they’ve been talking to a girl and it’s going well and things seem to be working and all of a sudden they’re like shit what do I do now? I used to call it “hitting the wall.” You hit the wall going 90. You’re going and going and all of a sudden you hit the wall, blank what do I do? So that’s not a fun place to be and another thing to keep in mind is not running out of things to say. You have to be able to keep the conversation going in order to move it forward and we’re going to talk about ways to do that today.

Problem #3 – Weirding Girls Out Third major problem guys have and this is the one no one diagnoses, they weird girls out. What does that mean? Generally, it means coming across a little too desperate, a little too eager and a little too anxious. So we really want to avoid weirding the girl out by building comfort first. We want to make sure the girl is comfortable. You want to think about female comfort as something we need, almost like oxygen. We really need to always be aware of the supply and how much of it we’re able to get. It’s very, very important. A lot of guys are just not sure what to do, they’re very in their heads and don’t have a set game plan like you’re going to have by the end of this video they’re very nervous and twitchy and they creep the girl out. It’s a variety of things from demonstrating too much interest to not making good enough eye contact, etc.

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Problem #4 – Chasing Way Too Hard Another big thing guy’s do that messes up the entire courtship process is they do all the chasing. They pursue women too hard because they don’t realize that ultimately the girl makes the final choice and she’s going to make the final choice like we all do, psychologically, with the thing they invested the most in. So we want to flip the chase and this is a really important part of this “conversation system”. You really want to pay attention when I talk about the ways to break the social comfort and flip that chase switch. If you do all the chasing you’re going to have issues all the time with women because they’re going to pick the person making them put the most in. And if you’re doing everything for the girl you’re not letting her invest enough and do enough of the work then she’s not going to be as interested as she could be.

Problem #5 – Can’t Spark Natural Chemistry The fifth problem most guys have is they can’t seem to spark that natural chemistry where everything seems to work. Have you ever talked to a girl and everything just goes perfectly? It’s weird. You make jokes and she instantly gets them. You make references to things and she instantly knows them. She brings up things you’re into and you bring up things she’s into. You go to the same places at same times and kind of know the same people almost and have the same experiences. It’s like things just click that’s what I call it. For me, I can create that with almost any woman. If I can build attraction and a few other things we have to do, I know how to build that spark that natural chemistry. There’s actually a way to do it and I’m going to teach it to you. But for most people that natural chemistry happens maybe once every 3 to 4 years. Some of my friends who aren’t good with women, it’s happened 3 or 4 times in their life up to this point, early 30’s or late 20’s. So when you can’t spark that chemistry, even if you’re getting success (and I say this as someone who was getting success without great chemistry) it doesn’t feel like success should feel. So until you learn to spark that natural chemistry everything will feel more difficult than it needs to be. That’s not what I want for you and it’s not what you want for yourself, so let’s talk about how to solve this problem, these 5 problems really. The solution is what I call my E ffortles s Convers ation S ys tem.

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3 Steps to Effortless Conversations: Let me introduce you to a powerful 3-part system that’s going to solve all of your problems when speaking to women. Step #1 is all about building comfort before attraction. We’ll talk about why that is, what I mean by that, how these things differ and why all that is important in just a minute. Step #2 is to flip her chase switch. Once we got her comfortable we want to start building attraction. But we want to build attraction by getting her to chase us. It might sound very complicated, but it’s very easy to do. Actually, shockingly easy when you know what you’re doing. Step #3 is to create that instant chemistry. You want everything to click. So she feels like: Oh my god we have so much in common or that she’s known you forever. You can create that. It’s not some weird ethereal coincidence; it’s simply a combination of a few elements put into a formula that you’r e going to learn right now. I’m very excited for you, so pay attention, take a few notes and get re ady to put this powerful conversation system into effect the next time you talk to a girl. So let’s dive in …

STEP #1 - Comfort Before Attraction A first step in starting a conversation with a woman, with anyone really, with a stranger is to do it in a way that makes her comfortable socially and allows us to move on to a normal conversation without the woman feeling weird. This is where you need to build what I call Social Comfort. So depending on what your background is with dating products and reading about picking up or dating women, whatever you want to call this, you may have heard some different things about comfort and attraction. Let’s talk briefly about the difference between those two and why we’re doing it the way we’re doing it. Way back in the day, the thinking was to first start a conversation and build attraction, then qualify the woman and then build comfort. Well the problem with that was the way to build attraction, as you’re going to see, is socially awkward if you don’t have a little bit of comfort. I’ll phrase it like this, have you ever been at a party or something and someone said something that was like a backhanded compliment to you? That’s kind of what we have to do a little bit of to build attraction.

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Of course, sometimes you can throw stuff out there and it will work. If you have higher social status, you’re better looking, if you have social proof, etc. You can throw it out there and it will work like 50-50. But if you build some social comfort is much better.

What is Social Comfort? Back in the day comfort was getting to know you type stuff; you would build rapport, build trust and intimacy, etc. That stuff is still good and you still have to do it before you’ll get laid sometimes, but not all the time. Sometimes you can go straight from attraction to sex. It depends on the girl and the environment. But for the most part you’re going to need to do the getting to know y ou stuff with 75 to 80% of women. So that comfort is still good, but you don’t want to do it right away because it’s still a little too heavy and boring, especially in a bar or club. If you’re meeting a girl in like a yoga class you can do comfort right away and be good. But if you’re in a more attraction based location then you want to keep that until a bit later. But social comfort isn’t like rapport. Social comfort is more like social skills. The idea of social comfort came to me when I used to teach for Mystery Method and would meet guys at boot camps who were just socially awkward. They had been engineers or computer kids their whole like. I myself was a computer kid and a nerd and not popular in high school or college in any type of social setting. Every now and then I get invited to parties in Hollywood Hills with quasi-famous people or at least famous club promoters and I’m not that cool compared to them. I still get girls, but it’s different because people are like really high level. So I had to learn all that stuff and I met a lot of guys who have to learn this stuff from the ground up. It’s about creating social comfort and making a good first impression without creeping people out. I always say the best test for social comfort - and I used to teach this on boot camps was to talk to a group of people, 2 guys and 2 girls, and you talk to them for 10 minutes and then I come up and ask what their first impression of you was. And, they’d say you seemed nice. Funny, but a lot of people think I don’t want to be a nice guy; I’ve been a nice guy all my life. Same with you, you’ve been a nice guy with your friends and family who know you and are comfortable with you. You haven’t necessarily been a nice guy and social and outgoing. You may have come across creepy. Or you may just stand there or freak out or get nervous and say weird and inappropriate things. You never know what you might do with strangers until you start approaching strangers.

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So when I say social comfort it’s just my way of saying social skills and not weirding people out. Social comfort is about giving the girl time to get comfortable talking to you before we start trying to build attraction. We’re not going to go in and try to have her make a choice being attracted to us right away if we don’t have to. We don’t want to force her to too early. Early on we want her to think okay I like talking to this guy. Attraction doesn’t have to be in the first 30 seconds. It would be ideal if it was, but it doesn’t have to be. There have been a lot of girls who weren’t into me in the first 2 or 3 minutes and then they got comfortable and then were attracted to me and wanted to have sex with me. So it’s important you understand that the social comfort needs to come before the attraction. Think about it like this:

“ C omfort can exis t without attraction, but attraction can’t really exist without comfort” Basically, if you’re not comfortable with someone, you’re not going to be attracted to them – right? This is why people have problems with cheaters. Here’s an example of something that happened to me years and years ago… I was coming out of a club one night there was this pretty hot, scantily clad girl down this alley, saying “Hey come on down here.” I’m like, “Ah I’m not going down that alley, you come up here.” She was like no you come down here. Anyway, it probably wasn’t anything. I think she might have said her friend was peeing or something and I said I’d wait. But I didn’t see a friend and it just seemed sketchy so I left. She was very hot; I just wasn’t comfortable with the situation, so my attraction couldn’t be acted on in that situation. My point is, if that happens to a dude, then it happens to girls too. Girls aren’t comfortable with weirdoes or strange silences, awkwardness, all these things I’m going to teach you the skills to avoid really soon.

Like a Vacuum and a Flame… Social comfort is all about making people comfortable with you. It’s the first step in starting a conversation. As I just talked about, attr action cannot exist without comfort. It’s like a vacuum and a flame; I was saving that analogy because I knew I had this picture.

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So if you imagine a vacuum and a flame and you put a vacuum around a flame it puts it out. Social comfort is that flame. Without it, you put the vacuum on attraction, and it’s no good. So it’s very, very important that you aim for that first. In fact, when I take on private coaching students, I actually work with them exclusively on social comfort for the first 2 to 3 weeks , just because it’s that important to build a solid base. It’s the same as training in martial arts; you want to build a solid foundation, solid stance and make sure that you’re building from the ground up. Like, if you’re building a house you need that solid foundation. Social comfort is the solid foundation of all social skills because in addition to being the first part of any interaction. You can use it with any person you meet, no matter if it’s in a business or social context. That’s what’s so beautiful about social comfort to me. The same 25 skills I’m going to show you are useful in any social situation. At work they’re useful in getting things from people on hold, dealing with bill payers, dealing with lawyers, police, bouncers and people like that. It’s so important when you’re meeting people’s parents, dealing with friends. It’s just really important. For example, I went to my friend’s birthday party. It was at her parents’ house and got introduced to her dad. It was good social comfort. He liked me and asked me to help him with some things and he really liked me. That’s because I have good social comfort skills but it’s not a natural thing. Not only does it start the first part of any interaction. It also fills in the space between using tactics and techniques. You can only use tactics and techniques so much. You can’t just rattle them off. It’s not like everything is going to be a tactic. You need to fill that space in the middle somehow. And unlike attraction, with enough practice, you should be able to create social comfort easily with anyone. Sometimes people aren’t going to be attracted to you based on looks, blood type, pheromones, or any other random things. If you read enough evolutionary psychology and the works of Ellen Fisher, you learn about the weird things that influence attraction that are literally out of your control. But with social comfort you can get attraction with anyone. You should be able to have normal conversations with anyone you approach who speaks back to you. Sure, sometimes people won’t speak back to you because they don’t speak the language, they don’t hear you, or they’re very anti-social and don’t want to talk to anyone. But don’t confuse social comfort with being boring. Rapport based comfort too early is boring. This is not where you’re going to ask the girls where they’re from or what they do or what their relationship with their dad was like.

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This is where you’re going to be fun and light and do it in a way that utilizes these 25 skills we’re about to go over. When does social comfort happen? Social comfort happens from the second you finish your opener, until the girl would rather you stay and talk then leave. So literally from the second you start a conversation, “Hey I’m Jon it’s nice to meet you.” And she says, “Hi I’m Sophia” ... I go cool, now I’m in social comfort! The hook point of social comfort is where the girls would rather stay and talk to you then have you leave. Notice I said, “rather stay and talk to you” … not be attracted to you. If the girls are interested and just being polite about it that’s fine. You can now move to the 2nd step of my 3-Part Effortless Conversation System, because they don’t need to be attracted. They just need to be more into you talking to them than you leaving. A clue is when girls don’t want to talk to you. They give you one word answers and it’s kind of obvious they want you to leave. However, when you learn social comfort that shouldn’t happen to you very often, if ever. Let’s talk about these skills I keep mentioning.

Comfort Building Social Skills When it comes to conversations with strangers and I’ve waffled on this many a times and so I’m going to give you the best kind of working theory here. But, don’t take this as Gospel. You can be flexible. You don’t have to do or hit exactly what I’m talking about. They want to do most of the talking and have you just hit on them and tell them their pretty and sexy and escalate, and that’s fine. With those girls you shouldn’t think: Oh this girl is talking to me and seems to really like me, but I’m not talking enough, so I need to fix that. But in general in the broadest, widest spectrum a proper conversational ratio is about 70% you and 30% girl/group. What that means is you’re doing a little more than twice the talking and that’s ideal. It used to be 90/10; people used to think you should do 90% of the talking and that’s a fucking monologue my friend. That’s something normal people just don’t do. There are many pick up artists of mysterious origins who just rant at girls and some girls are into them, but not very many. Yeah talking 90% is way too much, even 75% is a lot; 70% a little over twice is good. Do about twice as much talking and mostly just to steer things forward.

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As the man, it’s our job to move things forward. We’ll talk about that when we talk about transitioning between topics, the 4 th skill. You have to know how to use questions. Let me give you some knowledge about questions. I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you here , the big Jon bombs. In the dating community, you’ll often see questions be kind of mocked if you’re the “question man” asking: Where are you from? What do you do? etc. Sure, it’s not a good idea to ask a bunch of questions especially early on, but it’s not true for the reasons the people who mock it think it is.

The Law of Reciprocity The reason it’s not a good idea to ask a bunch of questions is because of the Law of Reciprocity. The Law of Reciprocity states that the more someone gives us up front, the more we’re going to give them back. Robert Cialdini the writer of the book, Influence, talks about this “law” in his book. So what that means socially is that people of all types are going to respond more to people who give things about themselves, information, because that’s really what we’re exchanging in social interactions. Information makes us more or less attractive than our starting attraction. If you think about the dating marketplace that’s how it works. Your attractiveness is kind of like an auction, it goes for what people will buy it for. In other words, if you’re a girl, your attractiveness goes for whatever the open market value is to dudes. Now dudes are pretty desperate, so anything above a 6 gets a lot of attention and anyone above an 8 gets her pick of the litter. As a guy, it’s kind of different. W e’re going to have to start wherever we start and lower our value to correspond and match up. If I’m talking to a girl who is hot and just ask her for information and keep asking her f or information she’s going to start feeling like she’s just giving and I’m taking and that’s what happens when you barrage girls with questions. When you go, where you from? New York. You go cool, what do you do? She says: ”I’m a dancer”. You go awesome, I like dancers. Then you say how do you like LA now? So what’s going on is she’s given you all these things about her but she doesn’t know where you’re from or what you do and doesn’t know anything about you. Instead, we want to give answers to questions before we ask them.

Talk About Yourself First: Generally, as an overall social strategy, if you want to ask a question you’re going to talk about yourself and answer the question first.

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So if I’m going to ask a girl what the most adventurous thing sh e’s ever done is? I’m going to say the most adventurous thing I ever did was XYZ and then after I tell that I’m going to ask her what the most adventurous thing she ever did was and she’ll give a response back. So that’s kind of how the Law of Reciprocity works. Now let’s talk about how to use questions correctly.

Asking the Right Questions In general, in social comfort you want to use questions in one of three ways for three specific things. First, you want to use them to transition between topics. So if I’m talking to a girl and don’t know where to go with it, I might say, Where are you from? She’ll say Orange County. Now I can talk about anything to do with Orange County. I like to surf and Orange County has surfing, I watch the Housewives of Orange County, I have relatives in Orange County so there are various things I can get onto the subject about. I use questions to transition between subjects. Don’t worry when we get to transitioning between topics I’ll remind you of that. Second, we use questions to tell stories. I can say where are you from? And she says, “Newport Beach”. I go, “Cool, I grew up in Venice, but my parents used to take me to Newport a lot because my grandma lives down there and she always told me…” Now I can go into a story about what my grandma always told me and how it affected my life, etc and give her information about me. That’s really one of the overall themes of social comfort. We want to give the girl/group of people information about us, in order to get them comfortable giving us information about them, and so we can tell stories. Third, we use questions to tease. For example: Where are you from? … “Orange County”... “Oh my god mental note, stay away from this girl. You’re probably just like those girls on the Orange County TV show or like those Real Housewives of Orange County, I can see it. ” It’s a great reason to ask a question. So that’s basically it. W e want to use questions to transition, to tell stories or to tease. If you’re just asking a question to tread water don’t use it.

Turn Questions into Statements Another strategy you can use to get the same information - if you need it to move on is to take any question and turn it into a statement. So, rather than asking for information, you’re fishing for it.

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For example, if I want to ask a girl where she’s from , I say: You totally look like a Newport girl. You’re like 949 for sure.” This is a really good routine I use a lot to figure out where girls are from without asking them where they’re from right away. So if I’m in New York, I might say: “You’re not 212 you’re like 917 or possibly 646.” If I’m in Miami, I’ll be like “You’re 305 but I don’t know, it’s possible you’re 786.” Then you can kind of tease her about whatever area code you think she is. That’s a fun one. So the things I just said about asking questions apply to Social Questions. Social questions are questions you only ask at social events that really are kind of not real questions and you don’t lose any points for asking them. An example of a social question would be you’re at a party and meet a girl and say, so who do you know at the party? Say we’re at a party at Eric’s house so, how do you know Eric? What brought you out tonight? What’s on the agenda? You guys celebrating something? These are all social questions. These are all things you can say that don’t cost you any social capital, so be aware of those.

Making Observations Another good way to transition is by making observations. These observations can either be canned or real. Meaning, you can make observations about her energy, fashion, or some positive non-sexual physical things like cute smile, nice eyes, pretty hair, nice nails … things like that. Or they can be canned and there are a lot of routines out there for transitions. You can transition with cold reads too. Cold reads are mini little pills of sentence that tell her things about herself. For example, “You seem a little nervous do you get clumsy when you’re nervous?” Or “I can tell you’re kind of shy but once people get to know you I bet you’re really wild and crazy.” That’s another way to transition.

Phrasal Transitions You can also transition by just changing the subject and talking about something different. This is what we call “phrasal” transitions. You simply say something like: “That reminds me of…check this out…I’ve got to tell you about” etc. These comments will bridge one phrase to a next phrase. There are others, but those will get you started. You should really pick one way to transition and get really good at that first.

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Tell Her About You You need to talk about yourself because it builds social comfort. Generally, giving them information about you that you hope will make you more attractive and that’s really what talking about yourself is all about. In social comfort the goal is to fill in the picture. What I like to do is say stuff like: “M y mom always told me or said…or I have a sister who…or I have a niece who…” It tells girls about you and who you are as a person. Plus, it establishes that you’re not a weirdo or stranger pick up desperado at the bar who is just trying to get laid. We’ll talk about that more when we get to the idea of grounding.

Using Regional References Regional references are great. In every city there are things that go on. There are places everyone knows about. For example, in LA there are obvious references like the Hollywood Walk of Fame or the Hollywood sign. Or the La Brea Tarpits as Adam Corrella says are a monument of low self esteem. Any other city would pave it over but LA says: Hey we got a big shitty hole with a bunch of tar in it. Come celebrate with us. It’s where Biggie Smalls was shot up the road from there, rest in peace.” But knowing these regional things in your city is very powerful, especially in the bar or club scene. You should know about the town and what good clubs there are. Stuff like that is good for social comfort, because it connects you … like you’re one of them. And that’s a big part of social comfort.

Using Current Events This one is kind of obvious, but talk about news, pop culture stuff and things that are currently going on. Those things help you build social comfort, because they’re normal things people know about and can easily talk about. Talk radio subjects basically.

Setting a Comfortable Pace The speed at which you talk - and the amount you talk - are really important. You need to pace yourself, so you can slowly talk less and less. We want to talk the most up front, but after that we want to slow it down and let them get more and more involved.

Use Interactivity and Check Ins We don’t want to have a monologue. They are boring! Only crazy people, weirdoes, actors and comedians talk in monologue fashion.

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I myself used to have major issues with this. Often, I’d get asked if I was a standup comic due to the way I speak and annunciate my vocal words. The idea is to break up what you’re saying with interactivity and check ins. So you’re not going on and on. Be careful though because interactivity can be real fake. You have to do interactivity the real way by getting them involved. It starts with what I call Check Ins and every once in a while I’ll say, am I right? Do you know what I’m saying? This girl knows what I’m talking about, right? So every once in a while you have to check in with them. This gives them the chance to talk. You can let them talk for a little bit which breaks it up. Also, you ask questions. Have you ever had something like that happen to you? Isn’t that the worse? Have you ever heard anything worse than that? Questions allow the conversation to be more interactive. And, the more they interact the more they’re going to like us.

Grounding Your Personality Grounding is how you talk about yourself that explains how you’re going to act in the future. So when I say something like I wanted to be a writer growing up and so I’m arrogant enough to think all my opinions are important. I’m ground myself for making arrogant, cocky comments in the future. If I say, “I had sisters and teasing is a form of affection in our family, so I always tease and I’m sorry sometimes I can be a little rough.” That’s a grounding technique. If I say, “I speak English, Spanish and sarcasm as 2 nd languages I’m preparing the girls for me to be sarcastic.” We have to ground our personality. If you’re an engineer you might say, “Sorry I’m an engineer and sometimes I might think about things really analytically” … or if you’re someone who is not super social you might have to say, “Sorry I’m kind of shy and it always takes me a minute to meet new people and get warmed up.” Grounding is about setting the stage for who you are. It’s like in a movie or book. They don’t start in the middle. They first set the stage and give you a couple of scenes to teach you to like the characters. When you’re grounding you are teaching the girl to like the character, and we’re setting the stage for who we are.

Share Your Interests When you’re grounding yourself, talk about things you’re interested in too. Telling girls about the things you like will make you more interesting as a person and will fill in who you are.

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Relating To Common Things Relating is another thing you can do with questions. I forgot to mention that earlier but you can always relate. You can say oh you’re from Colorado? I love Colorado I used to go snowboarding there all the time. Relating is just showing that you have things in common. It’s basically saying hey you do that? I do that too. Yeah!!!

Using Names People’s names are their favorite word. This is some old school Napoleon Hill stuff, but it’s true. I’m really into Jonathan Franzen. I wasn’t a big fan of his book The Corrections I but I really liked his book Freedom. So I tell people I like him because (a) it makes me sound smart, and (b) his name is Jonathan and my name is Jonathan and I think about that all the time. I’m like well at least we have the same name and at least he’s holding it down for Jonathan’s everywhere. So try to use the person’s name, especially with girls. Using names is good. Sometimes it’s hard. I have the worse habit of forgetting girl’s names. I have to concentrate on it, even to this day. I f I don’t consciously think Melanie, Melanie, Melanie then I’ll forget her name. Saying, Melanie you have a very cute smile, then forgetting her name doesn’t work as well.

Be Enthusiastic Enthusiasm is contagious. The more enthusiastic you are about what you have to say the more people are going to respond to it.

Be Positive Nobody wants to hang around with a downer, so keep things positive. I am funny and sarcastic, so I can get away with it, but most people can’t. It’s easier to be positive. I do it because that’s who I am. But every now and then, I take social hits for being sarcastic. Sometimes people respond badly to sarcasm. My friends who are more positive tend to do better.

Show Genuine Interest Part of social comfort is really paying attention to people. Try to give them complements to make sure they feel good about themselves.

Self Commentary I like using self commentary. Commenting on what is going on is great.

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I’ll say things like, “ I am hitting on you in a bar” … or “Right now you’re looking really weirded out. Maybe I did something weird already, let’s start again.” Self commentary shows a level of social intelligence. It’s like you get the temperature of the room and you can see where they are. It’s way better than being super convinced they’re into you when they’re not.

Using Hooks Hooks are basically unfinished threads. Open threads so to speak. So if I say something like, “Oh yeah when I was in Russia I had a crazy time.” They’re going to go what? When were you in Russia? Or if I say , “I’m totally in the wrong business because I hate flying.” People are going to go wait what do you do? Or if I say I really need to meet a different type of girl, because I always end up with these crazy girls. Someone is going to say, Wow you end up with crazy girls? Hooks are a way to get people to interact more… to ask you questions.

Opening Loops Open loops are unfinished thoughts that create suspense. Humans love conclusions, so anything unfinished prompts people to ask questions. For example, if I tell you: “The greatest thing in the world is…” But then I don’t finish the thought, this is an open loop. Even pausing is an open loop.

Role Playing Role playing is a ver y powerful attraction technique. It’s where you create a fantasy world with the girl. You go, “You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to run away or you’ll be like my secretary and I’m going to dress you up in these outfits and we’re going to take over the world politically. I’m going to be like the new white Obama, and then you a bunch of things to do.” Role playing paints a vivid picture. They are powerful and work really well.

Group Dynamics Knowing the dynamics of the group is very powerful. You need to know who the boyfriend is, who the brother is, how they know each other -- stuff like that.

Staying Relaxed To create social comfort you have to be relaxed. Pay attention to your breathe. Breathe slowly, and be prepared. Knowing what you’re going to talk about will help you to stay calm and help you be relaxed for the mental part of social comfort.

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Put Yourself Out There You can’t be afraid of rejection. You got to put yourself out there. Social comfort is about opening up and giving people a sense of who you are. It only works if you share stuff about yourself. Otherwise they won’t be that entertained, or you won’t be that interesting. You’ve got to give them something. All right, you should have a good idea about the first step of the Effortless Conversation System: Social Comfort, let’s move onto the second step.

STEP #2 – Flipping the Switch Once you’ve established some social comfort using the tactics I’ve just described, it’s time to start working on creating attraction. We do this by breaking the social comfort, we just established, and then using the tools of attraction. It’s the crossover point. We break social comfort and crossover from Step 1 to Step 2. Mystery Method and other methods that assume you go for attraction right away have their flaws. I just singled out Mystery Method because I worked for them. The problem is you can’t break social comfort with someone who’s not socially comfortable with you. What happened was this: we would take guys out, and they would start conversations with girls and then they would immediately try to break the social comfort. But, you can’t tease someone who isn’t interested in talking to you – yet! So these guys would start to tease and do all these things that can be done in social comfort, but they did it too soon. Because when the girls don’t want to talk to you there is nothing there. You can’t be like oh you’re not getting any from me. And the girl would be like well I don’t want any; I don’t even want to talk to you. I’ve seen that happen in boot camps a lot of times. I even had it happen to me years and years ago. The idea is to create social comfort, then break it. Because when you break social comfort, they respond by chasing the social comfort. This gives us the time to begin to focus on attracting her. Think about social comfort as this warm hot tub . It’s a warm comfortable pool of water. You start talking to the gir l and it’s socially comfortable. She’s laughing and learning about us. And, she wants to keep talking. Maybe she’s interested. Maybe she’s not. Maybe she has a boyfriend, or not, either way she wants to keep talking. She likes this. Next, we want to break that social comfort. We want to pour a bucket of cold water over her head, or even better, toss her into a cold pool. What will happen is as soon as

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she gets thrown in that cold pool she’s going to want to jump out and jump back to the warm, right? So when we respond positively, and hit on her , it’s easier to move the conversation forward and create attraction and chemistry. So when we hit step 3, she’s going to respond very positively – which is exactly the kind of response we need to get. It’s not that we want to get it, but most of the time when a girl is neutral and not really into you, you need to do this to move things forward.

Breaking Social Comfort So let’s talk about the 3 most common ways to break social comfort. The 3 most common ways are: (1) Teasing: This one is pretty obvious, but we’ll go through it anyway and I’ll give you a couple of examples; (2) Push / Pull: Push/pull is really powerful. It’s one of the overall dynamics with women you want to be aware of. (3) Physical Teasing: How to use your body to physically tease the girl. First, let’s talk about what teasing is. Teasing is the art of saying something rude, but communicating the idea of “I like you.” Wayne Juggler had a great definition. He said that, “Teasing is the art of saying something sarcastic but meaning I like you” and that’s what we want to communicate.” So when we’re teasing, we’re breaking social comfort. Remember, we can do that because we’ve already established the social comfort and now she wants to talk to us. And, we can tease without it instantly blowing the interaction out (which in my opinion is the danger with Mystery Method and all the ones that tell you to tease and insult the girl right away.) Okay, so we start to tease, which will cause the girl to have that hot tub reaction and want to get back into social comfort. Then we can escalate and move things forward. And, I want to tease, but I don’t want to say anything too mean. So I’ll say something like: “I can already tell you and I are never going to get along” or “You are trouble” or “You’re just too much of a nice girl for me.” These are all things she’ll go “No!” and hit me and laugh and we’re going to move forward. But now I’ve flipped her chase switch a bit and now she’s thinking okay I want to get him to like me more. I want him to win me over. See how it works?

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That’s what we want. We want to win her over, so we can prove how alike we are. And she wants to prove how alike we are, and then we can move things forward. Another way to do this is physical teasing. This happens when you playfully physically rejecting a woman. Some common ways to do this are putting your arm around her and then pushing her away. I’ll put my arm around a girl and go “Oh my god you’re so awesome” … but then push her away. Or I’ll pull her in and tell her I hate her or turn my back on her or playfully push, flick, bump or play fight with her grab her arms and make her punch herself. Not hard obviously, don’t beat or attack or hurt women in any way. But sometimes I’ll grab her hands and put them on her face, just like physically mess with her. But it’s more of physically rejecting her, not physical accepting her (like hugging and kissing and trying to hold hands, etc). And lastly, push/pull. This is a specific type of communication where you apply opposites. A few paragraphs ago, I talked about hugging her while telling her you hate her. That was also an example of push/pull. Push/pull is about telling her she’s adorable, but she has to leave you alone. Or telling her that she’s cute and you hate cute girls. When you think about push/pull, think about balancing a seesaw. If you weigh your seesaw down with just teasing, then you run the risk of being an asshole. If you weigh your seesaw down with just compliments and hitting on the girl, you run the risk of getting “friend zoned” because you’re giving her too much attention and not betting anything back. Women, especially Western women from the US, tend to have these semi narcissistic personalities. It’s like the more someone does for them, the more someone tries to do for them the less they respect them. We want to avoid doing that. We don’t want to be too all over her, because she won’t like us as much. Sure, she may sleep with us, if we have enough value or if we’re attractive enough, but she’s never going really give you the respect you want. So we want to balance that seesaw with teases and compliments. And we can do that physically by hugging her and telling her we hate her. We can do it verbally by telling her that she’s cute and she has to go. Or, we can do a combination of physical and verbal. So be aware of this whole dynamic, because push/pull is successful concept with women, and far more than an idea for specific conversation tactics. So, using only push/pull lines is not as effective as internalizing the overall idea, and using the push/pull concept and as something you can grow into.

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Step #3 - Creating Instant Chemistry Okay, so we’ve creates social comfort, then we’ve broken it (created that whirlpool effect) and now comes step three of the Effortless Conversation System: creating instant chemistry. When it comes to creating instant chemistry, the best possible tool we have for this is what I like to call Likeness. What is likeness? When you create likeness, you manufacture the idea that you and the woman are very similar. You do this by showing her the otherwise unseen commonalities, such as restaurants you go to, people you know in common, pop culture references you both like and more. Likeness is the key to chemistry that no other dating guru is aware of. When you click with women, it’s because you talk about things you like, it’s all likeness. In fact, if you read any basic social psychology book, you’ll see a ton of studies that indicated the #1 thing between married couples and sexual partners is commonalities. Having things in common, doing the same things, liking the same things, responding to the same things, having the same kind of humor. All that stuff is the major academic explanation for attraction in all its varied forms. So this is something no one else talks about as far as I know, and something that’s so powerful. And, likeness is the best way to warm a cold approach for the average guy. Why is likeness so important? By showing her you like the same food, go to the same clubs, and know people through 1 to 2 degrees of separation, you build likeness and stop being a stranger. One of the major reasons women don’t have sex is due to reputational damage or fear of rape and killing of strangers. You can warm her up and show her you’re not a crazy stranger , or a weirdo, that you’re not going to take advantage by talking about the things in common. Show her you go to the same places, hang with the same people etc. This builds a lot of trust and connection. It’s like it’s like almost a natural thing that the two of you will hang out and be friends, because you do the same things anyway.

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5 Magic Likeness-Creating Subjects: 1. Schools/Camps/Childhood memories in this area. Learn your regional references. They are an amazing way to build likeness. My roommate came back from a work training the other day here in LA and he said half the people were from USC and the other half from UCLA. If you know anything about those schools (I’m from LA so I do and I went to one of them) you’ll meet a lot of girls who went to one of those school’s camps. When I meet girls from UCLA who are around my age, and were wealthier, we talk about camps, childhood memories, what we did: public pools, beach things, the earthquake. This is an amazing way to build likeness. 2. Food: This one is like my secret subjects. The one thing I talk to girls the most about is food. I build likeness through liking the same things food, restaurants, diets, etc. Talking about food is a surefire way to build likeness, because everybody loves food. Nobody thinks food is overrated. Everybody likes to eat. 3. Local Celebrities: Every area has local celebrities. In the club scene these are promoters and DJs. In the yoga scene they are celebrated teachers. In the networking scene they are organizers. By name dropping these people you have in common you establish credibility’s and commonalities that will build likeness. 4. Favorite local spots: In every town there is a best hamburger, karaoke bar, running trail and cup of coffee. By knowing what some of these places are you build likeness, especially if you and the girl agree or disagree on what that is. If I say the best running/hiking trail is Runyon Canyon and she says it is Will Rogers Park we can have a good conversation about that and we’re going to want to go hang out and do similar things and so that’s always good. 5. Pop Culture: Talk about pop culture. If you hit the right pop culture commonality it can create amazing chemistry. I was in this bar in Scottsdale, Arizona called Martini Ranch and I was talking to this girl and she was so hot. She had the sexiest accent and she was awesome, but it wasn’t going well. Her friends were making fun of me and being mean. But then I started talking about R Kelly’s track and said, “I think I’m just going to go home and watch R Kelly” … and she was like oh my god I love it. In the end, we hit it off and ended up going home that night together, and I still see her when I go to the area. So pop culture is a great subject. It can even turn bad interactions around. It’s that popular in creating likeness. So those are the best five subjects to discuss for making that chemistry happen.

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Conclusion Okay, let’s recap what we covered in my 3 step Effortless Conversation System. First, we learned that the three steps are: 1. Comfort before attraction 2. Flip her chase switch 3. Create instant chemistry We also defined and explained what Social Comfort means. I showed you some killer tactics to use to build social comfort. Next, we talked about breaking social comfort to elevate attraction, and how to flip the chase switch. And, lastly, we discussed creating instant chemistry, and what subjects I use to create likeness and attraction. So, you have everything you need to get out there and start great conversations, and attraction. If you want to take your game to the next level, I highly encourage you to check out my flagship course on getting more women into your bed than you know what to do with. You can see a free video by going to www.SeductionRoadMap.com. In that video you’ll see my number 1 tool for creating sexual attraction. The video will show you how to shorten the time between meeting a woman and getting her into bed. It covers some great stuff on how to build sexual attraction. I highly encourage you to click on that link, and check it out right now, while all the stuff you just leant is still fresh in your mind. You’ll find the video at www.SeductionRoadMap.com.

Until next time!

Jon Sinn

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1 - Effortless Conversation System eBook.pdf

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